The Curious Paradox: Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion in Therapy

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” — Carl Rogers

It can be incredibly difficult not to be hard on ourselves. We tend to judge our imperfections harshly, expecting ourselves to always do better, be better. But the truth is, none of us are perfect—and we’re not supposed to be. Growth, acceptance, and learning are lifelong journeys. Along the way, most of us are doing the best we can with the tools we have.

In my work with clients, I often focus more on building self-compassion than self-esteem. While self-esteem is tied to our sense of worth based on achievements or comparisons, self-compassion offers something deeper and more enduring. As Dr. Kristin Neff’s research shows, self-compassion supports greater emotional resilience and stability, especially during times of struggle or failure.

Both self-esteem and self-compassion can help us feel better about ourselves—but self-compassion stands out because it supports us when we fall short, make mistakes, or feel like we’re not enough. It activates our ability to self-soothe, to offer ourselves kindness rather than criticism, and to feel safe and grounded.

Therapy offers a space to explore self-worth, build practices of self-compassion, and feel truly heard and validated. Over time, many people notice that as they begin to accept themselves more fully, they start to struggle less with their inner critics and begin to feel more at ease in their own skin.

Carl Rogers’ quote beautifully captures this truth. When we embrace who we are, flaws and all, we open the door to meaningful change.

If you're ready to explore how self-compassion can support your healing, I invite you to connect.

Therapy can be a safe place to begin that journey—one kind, curious step at a time.

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